


Love Isn’t All That It Seems (I Did You Wrong)

by penspxrks



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst to the max, Clexa, Enjoy!, F/F, It's also a song fic too, Please don't be mad, angst angst angst, it's a happy ending, so there's that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-06 05:43:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17933933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penspxrks/pseuds/penspxrks
Summary: Clarke’s breathing became heavier as she trekked backwards through the rubble, answering the screams of the brunette. Clarke tried to speak, but her words seemed to get lost over the crackling of the fire. She was entranced in a coughing fit, smoke covering the huge white t-shirt and Nike shorts she wore to bed. She pushed through flaming furniture, making her way to the stairs. They had been so close to the door. Clarke squinted, hoping it would help her see through the smoke. An arm. She spotted an arm laying limply across from the coffee table. Limp fingers curled as Clarke made her way over to the brunette. She looked peaceful, as if she wasn’t bothered by her surroundings. Clarke grasped Lexa’s hand tightly, ignoring the crashing of burned items and crackling of the flames that surrounded them.





	Love Isn’t All That It Seems (I Did You Wrong)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is a song fic. It's also a one-shot. Give it a try! Hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> The song is Burning House by Cam. 
> 
> Edit: I’m changing the title from The Two of Us (Went Up In Smoke) to Love Isn’t All That It Seems (I Did You Wrong)

_I had a dream about a burning house_

The walls closed in, heat surrounded them as Clarke grabbed onto Lexa’s hand. Clarke ran through the damage grasping Lexa’s hand and pulling her along. A crash sounded behind her and all Clarke felt were the fingers of the woman she loved slowly slipping away, out of her grasp.

 

_You were stuck inside, I couldn’t get you out._

Clarke’s breathing became heavier as she trekked backwards through the rubble, answering the screams of the brunette. Clarke tried to speak, but her words seemed to get lost over the crackling of the fire. She was entranced in a coughing fit, smoke covering the huge white t-shirt and Nike shorts she wore to bed. She pushed through flaming furniture, making her way to the stairs. They had been so close to the door. Clarke squinted, hoping it would help her see through the smoke. An arm. She spotted an arm laying limply across from the coffee table. Limp fingers curled as Clarke made her way over to the brunette. She looked peaceful, as if she wasn’t bothered by her surroundings. Clarke grasped Lexa’s hand tightly, ignoring the crashing of burned items and crackling of the flames that surrounded them.

 

_Laid beside you and pulled you close._

The blonde pulled Lexa closer to her. She couldn’t imagine a life without the brunette. She wanted a future, but the past would be too hard to forget. She tightened her hold around Lexa, neither of them saying a word. Clarke placed a gentle and loving kiss to the top of Lexa’s head.

 

_And the two of us went up in smoke._

There was no telling how long they would stay there, unbothered that they would soon be gone. They stayed in silence, holding each other close as the flames engulfed the surrounding area. They would be next, and they were okay with that.

 

“May we meet again,” Lexa softly whispered into Clarke’s ear before falling limply into the blonde’s arms. The hot breath against Clarke’s neck had stopped, and the blonde knew she was gone. This only made the anticipation worse.

 

_Love isn’t all that it seems, I did you wrong._

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” Clarke whispered to her lifeless love, “I should have done more. I could have saved you.” The blonde shook her head at herself for only just now finding the ability to speak. She wanted to scream. To cry. But she wouldn’t. She would go slowly, painfully, as a punishment for not saving Lexa. For letting the love of her life die.

 

_I’ll stay here with you until this dream is gone._

Clarke pulled the lifeless body closer to her as she felt the flames draw nearer. So close that if she reached out, she would touch it. She felt a heat come from her left side, near the couch. She kept her eyes trained on Lexa, but she knew what was happening. Soon, her backside burned. The burning reached to her left side in a matter of seconds.

 

“May we meet again,” she whispered before laying head on top of the brunette’s and using the last of her strength to pull her closer. Clarke shut her eyes and let their bodies subject to the flames. She didn’t scream. She didn’t cry. She just lay there silently.

 

_I’ve been sleep walking too close to the fire._

Clarke awoke with a jolt. She was sitting upright in an armchair she had gotten as a moving gift from her mother, near the fireplace she had decided to use that night due to the cold weather. The blonde figured she must have fallen asleep She found herself safe in her house, everything intact. There were no burned couches, no fallen stairs.

 

No Lexa.

 

Lexa had plagued her mind for weeks, the brunette breaking up with the blonde and claiming it was to keep her safe. Clarke hadn’t bought the excuse and had pleaded for Lexa to stay. Green eyes had met blue, and a look of love and hurt filled both. Clarke knew Lexa wouldn’t change her mind. Even if they had both just admitted to being in love with one another.

 

_Been wandering all night._

Clarke let her body fall back into the leather arm chair. Leather reminded her of Lexa, a lot of things did, but Clarke had never seen anyone pull off the amount of leather the brunette had worn. The blonde decided it was best if she went upstairs and slept her bed, though it had been cold every night and every morning she slept in it. It felt empty without a body next to hers.

 

Clarke shook her head at herself for thinking such things. If Lexa wanted her back, she knew where to find her. The blonde wouldn’t go begging for the brunette to come back to her, no matter how in love she was. Is. She was still in love. She thought Lexa would be the one.

 

_I’ve been sleep walking._

Clarke gathered herself and stood up, putting out the fireplace before begrudgingly walking up the stairs. She tripped once. She made her way to her bedroom, yawning widely. Her dresser had sat by the door to the bathroom on her right-hand side, and the bedroom door. She silently thanked her past self for putting it so close to either door.

 

_Too close to the fire._

 

Clarke pulled a drawer open, avoiding the white t-shirt and Nike shorts she had worn in her dream-slash-nightmare. Both had been Lexa’s. Instead, she pulled out an old Tondc University shirt she had stolen from her cousin, favoring the blue they used over the faded orange of Polis University.

 

_But it’s the only place that I can hold you tight._

She had met Lexa at Polis U, but hadn’t really gotten to know the girl until Raven and Octavia came up with a plan. They had gotten Lexa’s sister, Anya, in on their scheme as well. Clarke had thought the whole thing funny, constantly teasing her two best friends about how stupid the whole thing had been.

 

Clarke shook her head at the memory and picked out spanks she had kept from her days of volleyball solely for sleep shorts. She changed and immediately made her way over to her bed. She refused to take up the middle, but instead sleep on the right side – her side –, leaving Lexa’s side open and cold. It was instinct, but she also couldn’t bring herself to do anything but put an unknowingly wandering leg or hand during the night.

 

_In this burning house._

Clarke attempted to forget the dream-slash-nightmare and fell into a deep sleep. Her mind thought of the joy the next night would bring. Raven and Octavia had finally persuaded her to go out, to one of Bellamy’s parties. They said it would be like the old days.

 

Clarke had been quite the drinker in high school, but she had softened up a bit before college. She focused on her grades more than anything when she attended Polis. The last night she could remember drinking heavily had been the end of year celebration the Blake siblings had thrown while their mother was out on a business trip. Clarke remembered getting hammered that night.

 

She dreamed of everything that would happen the next night, and awoke with sleep in her eyes. Saturday, her day of rest. Until nine o’clock. She looked towards the clock that stood on her bedside table, twelve p.m. She congratulated herself for sleeping in that long, imagining that Raven would be proud of her. She granted herself a lazy day, staying in her sleep clothes until around five o’clock when Raven showed up knocking on her door.

 

“Girl, you need a shower,” was the first thing Raven had said to her.

 

“Nice to see you too, Rae,” Clarke rolled her eyes and shut the door behind the brunette as she stepped into the house.

 

Raven only hummed a response as she set up her “makeup station” on Clarke’s coffee table. The bag of makeup had been Raven’s version of a first aid kit. The brunette claimed that it helped during “emergencies”, and Clarke had wondered what kind of emergencies her best friend had been through.

 

Raven continued to set up the station, adjusting mirrors and making sure everything was in its proper place.

 

“Alright, I’m going to take a shower while you set up. Since someone says I need one,” Clarke huffed and made her way over to the stairs.

 

“I ain’t stopping you,” Clarke could see Raven’s grin through the reflection of many mirrors.

 

“Whatever,” Clarke rolled her eyes and continued up the stairs.

 

She stayed in the shower for a good twenty minutes, thinking about things she would only think about if she were left alone with her thoughts. She had contemplated playing music before she stepped in, but decided against it knowing Raven would stomp in there and start obnoxiously singing along.

 

Her thoughts had drifted to the green-eyed brunette that plagued her dreams. I’ve been fucked from day one, she thought. Clarke knew what she was getting into when she had first talked to Lexa, and she hadn’t minded. She had told Lexa it didn’t matter over and over again. But the brunette had chosen Clarke’s safety over either of their feelings. To say Clarke had been upset was the understatement of the year.

 

The blonde snapped herself out of her thoughts and hopped out of the shower. She quickly dried herself off and made her way into her room. A blue, black, and white plaid low cut shirt had been laying on her bed, along with skinny jeans. She assumed this was Raven’s doing, and laughed at the antics of her friend. She changed, making sure the skinny jeans did their job and showed off her assets. She also checked the shirt to confirm it showed the right amount of cleavage.

 

Clarke dried her hair and straightened it, nodding to herself in the mirror with approval. She cursed herself for promising Raven that she could do her makeup. Not that she didn’t trust her best friend, but she figured it would have been easier to do her own. She shrugged before turning off the light and heading downstairs. She was met with Raven jamming out to “Livin’ On A Prayer” by Bon Jovi.

 

Clarke chuckled as Raven jumped on the couch and sang into a hairbrush, “Woah we’re halfway there, ahhh livin’ on a prayer,” continuing o reach her hand out to Clarke, “take my hand and we’ll make I swear,” Clarke grabbed her best friend’s hand with a roll of her eyes and joined her dancing on the couch, “woah livin’ on a prayer.” Raven finished breathing heavily, her hand up in the air, posing like she had just sang the most popular song of the night.

 

“Careful, you might break a sweat,” Clarke teased.

 

Raven rolled her eyes, “Whatever. Come on, let me do your makeup, we’re gonna be late.” Both hopped down from the couch and Clarke sat next to Raven, watching her pick up different things and apply them to her face.

 

Minutes later they were out the door and in the car.

 

_See you at a party and you look the same._

Clarke and Raven walked through the door of the Blake household, met with a table of alcoholic drinks and red solo cups. Bellamy found his way over to the two girls, pushing through a few groups of chattering people that had wished him a happy birthday as he passed.

 

“Happy birthday, Bell,” Clarke smiled and hugged the man. It had seemed like time flew by, and just yesterday they were in kindergarten promising each other that the other wouldn’t ever leave.

 

“Thanks Princess,” Bellamy teased, using the nickname he had thought up for her in the third grade when Clarke insisted on playing the awesome princess that got herself out of the tower. Bellamy had just stood at the bottom of the playground and watched Clarke pretend to defeat dragons and guards.

 

He turned to Raven, “Hey Rae, thanks for convincing this one to get out of her house.” Bellamy chuckled and hugged Raven.

 

“No problem Birthday Boy,” Raven jostled his thick curls.

 

“Well, uh drinks,” he pointed to the table, “cake is in the kitchen, and O and Lincoln should be here any minute.”

 

“God, it’s been forever since we’ve all been in the same room with each other,” Clarke sighed.

 

“Probably because Blake here tried to kill Lincoln for no reason,” Raven retorted.

 

“I had my reasons,” Bellamy defended, putting his hands up, “we’re cool now though. Nothing to worry about. O loves him, meaning I’m probably gonna have to deal with him for a good while. Might as well put aside our differences.”

 

“You mean ignore your protectiveness,” Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

“Whatever,” Bellamy laughed.

Echo approached the group. She gave Clarke and Raven hugs and made small talk with them. Clarke had mixed feelings about the woman at first, but Bellamy loved her, and as long as she made him happy then Clarke was happy too.

 

Octavia and Lincoln had arrived not too long after everyone had caught up. Clarke was ecstatic to see her other best friend. Apparently, O and Lincoln had been taking axe-throwing classes together. Clarke thought that was pretty badass.

 

“You should have seen me the first less–,” Octavia started, eager to tell Clarke how embarrassed she was.

 

Clarke cut her off – not purposefully, of course – by turning her head to the door, hearing it creak open. The music had been loud, but everything else had seemed to fade into the background as cerulean met green. Time stopped. The chatter of the people around her faded as she stared into piercing green eyes. Hungry green eyes. She wanted to rip her gaze away, wanted to remind the woman of the pain she caused her, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

 

The brunette’s hair flowed behind her she walked. The bottom had found itself in messy curls. Curls that Clarke hadn’t minded running her fingers through. Her eyes were still as green as ever, reminding Clarke of a forest. The forest she had painted for Lexa after their one-year anniversary.

 

At that thought, Clarke ripped her gaze away. She looked at the soft leather of the couch, pained, broken. She wanted to leave. But she stayed, for Bellamy and Raven and Octavia.

 

Bellamy leaned over, “I’m sorry Clarke, I had no idea she was going to be here.”

 

“It’s fine Bell, let’s just enjoy the night. Yeah?” She couldn’t bring herself to look up from the leather of the couch, fearing her eyes would find their way back to the forested green ones she missed so much.

 

Bellamy only nodded and handed her a drink. Clarke kept her eyes between the group of friends, afraid of them straying elsewhere. She had glanced at Echo, who had an expression of worry upon her face.

 

Oh, Clarke thought. She had completely forgotten Lexa was a good friend of Echo’s. She had completely forgotten that Echo didn’t know the blonde was going to show up until twenty minutes ago. Oh.

 

Clarke brought the red solo cup Bellamy had handed her to her lips, throwing her head back and chugging the beverage. She would need a lot more alcohol if she were expected to get through the night.

 

Lexa, against her better judgement, had made her way over to the group solely to say hello to Echo and wish Bellamy a happy birthday. Clarke knew despite her presence; the brunette would go about as if everything was okay.

 

_I could take you back, but people don’t ever change._

A longing had settled deep within Clarke. The night seemed to drag on. The blonde caught glimpses of the brunette here and there. Anger had only risen in her once; when Lexa had made a point to dance with Costia, another good friend of Echo’s.

 

It was fine. Clarke was fine, and she had no right to be angry. Lexa had left her. And even though the brunette denied anyone else a dance after Costia, Clarke still felt the anger. It may not have been anger but pent up emotions. The blonde had been in the kitchen, slowly sipping at her drink for the first time that night while observing the people around her. Raven and Octavia had tried to get her to dance with them, but Clarke wasn’t in the mood anymore.

 

“C’mon, where’s the Griffin we used to know?” Raven had tried, nudging her shoulder.

 

She died when Lexa left, the blonde thought.

 

“Look,” Raven said, “if you’re all depressed because of Green Eyes over there, you have to show her that it’s not getting to you. You have to show her you can still have a good time even after what she did to you. Or I can go punch her,” Raven quipped.

 

Clarke had let a small smile appear across her lips, “No punching Rae, please. She may have broken my heart, but I don’t know what I’d do if her beautiful face were messed up.”

 

“I never said anything about hitting the face,” Raven put her hands up and the brought her drink to her lips. She chugged it down, “Come on Griffin, time to have some fun.” The brunette put the cup down and dragged Clarke onto the dance floor.

 

The blonde hurriedly placed her drink on the counter before trying to save herself from falling as Raven dragged her. This was going to be interesting. The music had gotten louder since they had arrived, and Clarke wondered if the neighbors would call the cops.

 

Those thoughts left her mind as Raven started to get into the dancing, Clarke having no choice but to follow along. She eventually lost herself in the music. She hadn’t payed attention to where her body led her, surprised to find that she had drifted toward a tall brunette on the dance floor. She looked up, about to apologize for bumping into the woman, but the words caught in her throat when blue met green for what seemed like the thousandth time that night.

 

_Wish that we could go back in time._

Memories of hungry nights and lazy mornings flooded Clarke’s mind. The way Lexa would always awaken with a groan and argue that it had been too early to wake up, no matter what time of day it was. Clarke had thought it adorable. How she missed waking up to Lexa’s smile every morning.

 

_I’d be the one you thought you’d find._

Green eyes looked down at her, and Clarke had felt as intimidated as when they first met. The blonde was sure Lexa hadn’t been trying to give off intimidating vibes. It seemed the brunette had only been trying to remain stoic, expressionless. Not wanting to show her surprise to Clarke. The want that she felt in that moment and hoped the blonde reciprocated despite the unanswered calls and texts.

 

The entire thing broke Clarke. Her face altered from utter shock to fear and a sort of anger. Her heart swelled with love and she felt as though she could surge forward at any moment and kiss the woman so passionately her amazing lips would fall off, but her mind and heart fought as they normally did. She followed her mind, as she normally did, because the one time she followed her heart had ended in an ocean of pain. She turned away and stomped back to the kitchen to get her drink. She downed what was left of it and went to the table at the front of the house to refill it. She downed that as well.

 

Drunk and still not feeling confident. That was a new feeling for the blonde. Normally she had just needed a bit of liquid courage and she would be fine. Apparently when it came to green-eyed brunettes named Lexa Woods, that was not the case.

 

_Love isn’t all that it seems, I did you wrong._

“You shouldn’t drink so much,” she heard a soft, tired voice beside her.

 

That voice. Even drunk and off her game, Clarke would recognize that voice. It had been the voice she had woken every morning to, fallen asleep to, the voice she had wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

 

“You have no right,” was all Clarke pushed out, not trusting herself to say anything more.

 

“You’re right. I don’t. Especially not with you like this. If you would just let me explain, Clarke,” the brunette attempted at pleading.

 

“No. No don’t do that,” Clarke shook her head and looked down.

 

“Do what?”

 

“Say my name like that. Like you always have. With so much compassion,” the blonde had started to panic. She was afraid of what would happen if she looked up.

 

“I know what I did was wrong,” Lexa continued, “but you have to believe me when I say I was trying to protect you. That’s all I ever wanted to do.”

 

“That wasn’t your call to make,” Clarke snapped. Drunk and angry at the woman she still loved. Perfect combinations.

 

_I’ll stay here with you, until this dream is gone._

Clarke found herself alone in the kitchen five minutes later. She had stormed off from Lexa. She couldn’t handle it. The want – the need – was still there. Lexa Woods, what have you done to me? She thought. She had never loved anyone this much, and it had started to get on her nerves. She thought she was fine. She thought she would be fine and get over the brunette. She thought she would move on with life. She found that she couldn’t do it. 

 

Her mind told her that Lexa didn’t love her anymore. Her mind told her that Lexa had no intention of protecting her, that it was only an excuse to get out of their relationship.

 

Her heart told her the brunette still loved her. Her heart told her the brunette had every intention of protecting her and whatever future they may have had.

 

Her heart told her yes, while her mind told her no. The two fought, as they had plenty of times before. Like the angel and devil on her shoulders. They fought against her, against each other. She silently wished they would all just get along for one moment. One moment of pure happiness and bliss would be appreciated through the rubble and destruction of her emotions.

 

_I’ve been sleep walking._

Clarke’s thoughts brought her back to the dream – nightmare – she had the night before. Dreaming of Lexa wasn’t new to her. She dreamed of Lexa every night after the girl walked out. Good things. Happy things that made Clarke long for the brunette once again. But this nightmare had done something to her. It made her feel like she was actually there, in the flames, burning and burning until nothing was left of her except ashes.

 

Ash and dust.

 

That’s all she was to Lexa. Easily swept away, easily forgotten. Things someone could hold close to their heart, yet store them away in boxes once it became too much. That’s what Lexa had done with her, she assumed.

 

Ash and dust. Easily swept away. Easily forgotten. Boxes.

 

Clarke sat against the hard wood of the cabinets on the cool, white tile of the kitchen floor nursing her drink. She wanted to just throw it back and say, “Fuck it,” but she had already been over her limit. She hadn’t planned on getting drunk at all tonight. Maybe one or two beers.

 

Her knees curled up to her chest as if they had a mind of their own, and Clarke caved into the corner as best she could. Caved in on herself. She ignored the people who were stepping off the dance floor and grabbing their nearly forgotten drinks as much as they ignored her, probably figuring she had had too much to drink.

 

They weren’t wrong.

 

Bellamy went looking for her first, probably also the first to realize she was gone. He tried talking some sense into her, but she was too drunk and too stubborn to hear any of it. She didn’t want to ruin his night.

 

Octavia came second a few minutes later, trying to coax the blonde out of hiding. Clarke had only thrown back the rest of her drink and made a weird face at the sting in her throat. Octavia rolled her eyes and muttered something along the lines of, “Typical,” as she stood up from her crouched position in front of Clarke.

 

After Octavia had left, Clarke looked down into the red solo cup. The cup had been emptied, and the remnants of whatever sour-tasting drink she had poured would soon be gone as well. She brought the cup to her lips and threw her head back, successfully managing to let the remnants slide onto her tongue and down her throat. The sting in her throat hadn’t been as bad, but it was still there and still just as shocking.

 

She brought the cup down from her lips, checking it one more time and then shooting it into the trash can a few feet away from her. She missed. She decided she would pick it up later. She was afraid to move from her spot.

 

Her eyes wandered to a pair of black converse and graciously – on their own, of course – trailed up smooth, tan legs. Clarke swallowed. Her eyes kept going up, landing on a pair of ripped short shorts. A feeling resided low within her. A feeling she deemed good, yet bad considering the person she was eyeing. All it took for Clarke to turn her head the other way was her eyes landing on the ends of long, shining brunette hair. She looked to her left, watching the girl pick up the stray cup out of the corner of her eye. Clarke returned her eyes to her hands, doing random things with her fingers. Pretending as if Lexa wasn’t there, as if the brunette had never been a part of her life.

 

She heard the shuffle of footsteps coming her way. She didn’t look up from her hands. She assumed it was Raven coming to tell her to, “Woman Up,” as she had many times before. Clarke shifted to drawing patterns with her forefinger on her jeans. It calmed her, in a way. The woman moved to sit on the cold floor next to Clarke, on the left, the only side that was open. Clarke didn’t look up. Neither of them spoke. They just in a surprisingly comfortable silence.

 

Clarke heard the click of the other person’s tongue as their lips parted. She knew it wasn’t Raven. Raven would have said something already. The blonde still refused to look up.

 

“Titus had been out to get you.”

 

_Been wandering all night._

 

Clarke froze. Titus. A name she hadn’t heard in years. A name that had been banned by Lexa after what he had done to Clarke. It landed them – Clarke and Lexa – in the hospital. He had never been a good aim.

 

The moment he aimed the gun at Lexa and Clarke stepped in the way, the blonde had been hit. The man had been off his rocker. Always had been, according to Lexa. The incident had caused Lexa to do something she would never have done had it been anyone else who had been hit, but it had been Clarke. The one woman who had changed her mind about the cold-hearted way she was raised. She jumped him, broke his nose and three ribs. Thankfully, the gun had only one bullet in it. Lexa would have finished the job had Clarke not been bleeding to death.

 

“He had always been out to get me,” Clarke stated, her voice heavy and scratchy.

 

“He threatened us, Clarke,” the way the brunette still said her name surprised Clarke – after the lash out earlier.

 

The blonde didn’t have to look up to know who it was. As soon as the first words left her lips, she knew. Civil conversation. No emotions. She could do it, despite being drunk.

 

“He was always threatening us, Lexa.” Clarke hadn’t meant to say her name bitterly. It just happened. Emotions, grudges, and alcohol were not a good mix.

 

“It was different this time,” Lexa shook her head, “he hired people, Clarke. Terrible people. He knew they would get the… job…,” Lexa struggled with words, “done.”

 

_Trying to take what’s lost and broke and make it right._

“Titus was a bad man Lexa,” Clarke finally looked up but kept her eyes on the floor in front of her, “but he was no reason for you take off like that.” Maybe Clarke wasn’t as drunk as she had thought. Or alcohol just made her really solemn.

 

“You would have died. I couldn’t risk that. Not again,” Clarke could sense the brunette turning her head away.

 

“I survived the first time, Lex.” Clarke didn’t know what pushed her to use the nickname. It felt so right, yet so wrong.

 

“Barely,” Lexa brought her head back up, turning it towards the blonde, “your heart stopped. Twice, Clarke.”

 

“Oh,” the blonde furrowed her eyebrows. Why hadn’t Lexa – or her mother – said anything?

 

“You were dead for twelve minutes total, Clarke. I lashed out when they told me you might not make it.”

 

_I’ve been sleep walking._

“I had a dream last night. More like a nightmare, actually,” the blonde’s eyebrows were still furrowed as she stared into the ground. “We were in the house. We had pictures of vacations and us being weird and silly. Your smile lit up the whole room. God, I love your smile,” Clarke let out a heavy breath as she shook her head. “I had been upstairs and you were downstairs watching television. I came down and kissed the top of your head before I went out back to water the flowers in the backyard,” a fond smile fell over Clarke’s lips. She had no idea why she was telling this to the brunette. “I had been in the middle of watering the rose bush by the back fence when I heard your scream from inside the house. I had run in screaming your name. There were flames. Big fiery flames that had engulfed everything. The kitchen had been the first to go, then the upstairs. I kept screaming and screaming your name, hoping to get a response. The crackling of the flames was loud. I kept running through them until I saw you. You were standing by the bottom of stairs. I had grabbed your hand and we ran. Something had made a loud crash behind us. I felt your hand drifting away, out of my reach. I got so scared in that moment. I turned around to go find you. I squinted through all of the smoke, all of the debris and flaming furniture. I saw your arm poking out from in front of the couch, across from the coffee table. I ran over there and sat up against the couch as I gathered you into my arms. It felt so real, Lexa,” Clarke turned her head, her cerulean eyes meeting forest-green ones. “Your body felt lifeless. You had so little strength, yet you looked so peaceful, like you were okay with whatever was going to happen. The flames had gotten bigger by that point and I had become more scared. I brought you closer, hugged you tighter. I placed a kiss on the top of your head and moments later you were whispering, “May we meet again,” in my ear. You were lifeless Lexa. Limp. I wanted to cry, but something stopped me and instead I whispered, “Yu gonplei ste odon,” and pulled you closer. The last thing I whispered was, “May we meet again,” before subjecting to the flames.”

 

The music around them still buzzed loudly, but it was as if time had stopped for the two women. Lexa was at a loss for words.

 

_Too close to the fire._

“Ash and dust. Easily swept away. Easily forgotten,” Clarke stated, relaying her thoughts from earlier. The two women were close now, both unintentionally leaning towards each other. Magnets. A moth drawn to a flame. Lexa would always be Clarke’s flame.

 

The blonde searched Lexa’s eyes for something, anything. She saw hunger, anger. She looked deeper, losing herself in the piercing green of Lexa’s eyes until she found it. She would swim in the ocean of green until she found what she was looking for. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows only slightly, as if it were a request. A request to look deeper. A request for Lexa to help her find whatever is she was looking for.

 

Moments later – glorious moments of swimming through the ocean of green – Clarke found it. The need, the want, that Clarke had so accurately portrayed earlier in the evening. When their eyes first met.

 

The pull Clarke had felt was too strong and her mind was too far gone to stop her. She surged forward and planted her lips on Lexa’s much softer ones. Her eyes fluttered closed and all she could think about was how long she had gone without even seeing the woman in front of her.

 

_But it’s the only place where I can hold you tight._

Lexa brought her hand up to cup Clarke’s cheek, though she was hesitant in her movements. The blonde didn’t seem to be holding anything back. Clarke pulled away, still wanting more. She brought her hand and lightly snaked her hand around Lexa’s wrist, holding it there. Clarke fell into Lexa’s touch. She then gently discarded Lexa’s arm, placing it back down in Lexa’s lap before bringing the brunette into her arms.

 

_In this burning house._

Clarke brought Lexa closer, much like she had in the nightmare. She wasn’t ash and dust, and she never would be. She was the moth to Lexa’s flame.

 

The silence between them was comfortable, as it always had been. Lexa nuzzled deeper into Clarke’s touch. She had missed this. She knew she would be back. She didn’t think Clarke would ever come around, even if she was drunk, although the blonde wasn’t as drunk as one might have thought.

 

_The flames are getting bigger now._

Peace. No one interrupted them as they sat on the floor of the kitchen, either woman’s bottom now numb from being there so long. Neither had minded. This embrace had been what they both longed for. Another moment just like the ones they had experienced with each other so many times before.

 

_In this burning house._

Lexa had noticed Clarke’s friends walking in and out of the kitchen. All of them had probably wondered what had been going on. Except for Raven, who had put her up to this. Bellamy had the stoic expression he had when Lexa first met him. Raven walked in and gave her thumbs up. Lexa was glad Clarke was still staring at the tile. Octavia went in and mouthed, “Boo-yah,” before immediately doing the, “I’m watching you,” signal. Lincoln – he had been a friend of Lexa’s before dating Octavia – walked in and nodded at her. Echo came in and mouthed, “Knew it,” before giving her a thumbs up as well.

 

_I can hold on to you somehow._

“Titus is dead.” Lexa stated the sentence coldly as she decided to break the silence. She didn’t want Clarke to think she was leaving. Not this time. But if Clarke wanted her to leave the next morning, she would do it out of respect for the blonde.

 

“No talking. No apologies. No Titus. Okay?” Clarke placed a kiss to the top of Lexa’s head, her arms still protectively wrapped around the woman as they had been in the nightmare.

 

“Okay,” Lexa nodded.

 

_In this burning house._

Clarke held on to Lexa a little bit tighter. She didn’t want the woman to leave again. She would fight off every excuse until Lexa would admit something as major as falling out of love with Clarke. Clarke still loved Lexa, it didn’t take a fool to see that, but Clarke hoped Lexa still loved her too.

 

_Oh, I don’t want to wake up._

“Clarke? Do you want to leave?” Lexa asked, looking up at the woman who had just yawned.

 

Clarke nodded, “But I don’t want this moment to end.” She lay her head back on Lexa’s and filled in the remaining space between their bodies.

 

“Why don’t we go back to the house, okay? I also don’t think Raven is very set to drive right now, and you’re a bit drunk yourself. I’ve only had one shot and one beer, so I’m good to drive.”

 

Clarke nodded and curled further into Lexa, yawning again.

 

_In this burning house._

After wishing Bellamy happy birthday again and informing Raven that she would need to get another ride home, Lexa drove both of them to Clarke’s house. Their house. It used to be theirs. It had almost been two months since she had left, she wasn’t so sure anymore. She brought her mind back to focus on the road, aware of how anxious Clarke got while drunk in a car. Even sober, the blonde freaked at Lexa’s speedy driving.

 

She pulled into the driveway a few moments later, smiling at a sleeping Clarke in the passenger seat. She put the car in park and gently woke Clarke up. A small smile pulled at Lexa’s lips as she watched Clarke rub her eyes and sit up.

 

“Do you think you can still carry me?” Clarke groggily joked.

 

“It’s only been a few weeks, Clarke. Unless you’ve suddenly gained one hundred pounds, I think I’ll fare just fine,” Lexa grinned with exhaustion, but kept up the act for Clarke.

 

She still loved the blonde.

 

_And I’ve been sleep walking._

Lexa had picked Clarke up with ease and made her way to the front door. Clarke had left it unlocked, as usual. It was a nice neighborhood though, and both had trusted the neighbors. Though the brunette had always teasingly gotten on to the blonde about locking the front door, she was glad Clarke left it unlocked.

 

Lexa gently kicked the door closed behind her and made her way up the stairs. She carefully carried Clarke into the bedroom that had been theirs, now only occupied by Clarke, and set the blonde down gently on the right side of the bed. Lexa placed a soft kiss to the blonde’s forehead before turning around and quietly making her way to the door.

 

“Lex?” A soft and scratchy voice spoke behind her. Lexa turned around and Clarke reached her arm out, but then let it drop due to minimal strength, “Stay.”

 

_Been wandering all night._

Lexa nodded and found her way back to the bed. She slowly slid under the covers. She was back, on her side. The left side. She had settled in so she faced Clarke.

 

_Trying to take what’s lost and broke and make it right._

Clarke smiled as Lexa came to face her. There was a small ache – a good ache – in her chest that Clarke couldn’t quite place, but it made those moments all the more exciting.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa spoke just above a whisper, her voice soft, yet it carried some heaviness to it, “I want you to kn– “

 

The blonde cut her off, kissing her for the second time that night. This one had been softer, more inviting than the last. This time, Clarke conveyed how she really felt about the brunette. It was welcoming and filled with the same want – need – that filled Clarke.

 

_I’ve been sleep walking._

Clarke pulled away, letting her hand rest on Lexa’s collarbone. Her defined collarbone. Clarke looked at it for a moment, keeping her eyes glued to one spot as she traced light patterns with her forefinger across the brunette’s skin. Lexa stayed silent.

 

“No talking, okay?” Clarke whispered, continuing to trace light patterns on the other woman’s collarbone. After a minute, she pulled her forefinger away. Her eyes forced themselves up. She knew Lexa had been watching her, waiting for Clarke to lash out, waiting for Clarke to tell her she can’t just waltz back into her life like that.

 

Clarke wouldn’t. Not until tomorrow, at least. She was too tired, too drunk, and too in love to do anything of the sort and have it make sense.

 

_Too close to the fire._

“Okay,” Lexa let go of the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in.

 

Clarke curled into the woman, holding her tight. She wouldn’t let go until the morning. Even after her eyes started to shut themselves against her will, and her breathing became steady. She wouldn’t let go. She would savor every moment with the brunette until then.

 

Tomorrow would bring talking, lashing out, maybe throwing of a few objects. And Clarke knew that Lexa would only sit there as Clarke got over herself. She would sit there and be silent until Clarke gave her permission to speak because Lexa knew what she had done, and she was going to let Clarke take it out on her. She would only fight if Clarke told her to leave. Deep down, Clarke knew that she wouldn’t leave, not again. But she had the slightest.

 

_But it’s the only place where I can hold you tight._

 

Lexa placed a gentle kiss on Clarke’s forehead and relaxed against the woman.

 

She wanted to cherish these moments.

 

Now and forever, if Clarke would let her.

 

_In this burning house._

Clarke had thought Lexa to be asleep, as the woman’s breathing had evened out and her heart rate had slowed from its rapid pace in the quiet night. Clarke smiled gently to herself.

 

“I love you, Lexa Woods,” she said it as if trying to convince her drunken self, though she already knew. She knew she loved the brunette. She closed her eyes and settled in closer, letting her body relax against Lexa’s as Lexa’s had hers.

 

A mumbled that sounded much like an, “I love you too,” made Clarke smile, wider this time.

 

Moments later she heard a soft, firm voice whispering, “Feva en otaim,” before placing one last soft kiss on the top of her head and falling asleep.

 

That night would be the first night in months that Clarke Griffin slept peacefully, without nightmares and the fear of losing Lexa forever plaguing the back of her mind.

 

Clarke Griffin loves Lexa Woods.

 

Lexa Woods loves Clarke Griffin.

 

Feva en otaim.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this one-shot! Please leave your feedback in the comments and let me know if you find any mistakes, I will try my best to fix them. 
> 
> Twitter: clumsymomfriend
> 
> Tumblr: writtenbyevilthoughts


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